I started a course in Kabbalah a couple of days ago. I discovered that a basic principle of Kabbalah (contrary to some fundamentalist views) is that scriptures cannot be understood by the corporeal mind. Coincidentally, I ran across this YouTube clip this morning:
And now for something totally different…
I saw a television commercial for the first time a couple of nights ago. I could really relate to the guy in this advertisement:This doesn’t happen often, but I know what that guy was thinking, “I should have gotten a roll out of the cupboard instead of that stupid roll cover, then I wouldn’t have to listen to the lecture about her ridiculous little shell game. Back it up? She’s full of __it!”
Don’t get me wrong now. We have had a toilet paper reserve near the throne for several years, but it holds three rolls and sits on the floor, like this one. It doesn’t take up valuable shelf space, or space on the toilet tank. It is convenient and efficient because we only go to the cupboard every three rolls, so it doesn’t seem like a shell game. They are easy to find; I think we got ours at T.J. Maxx or Wal-Mart. Some other online examples can be found here, here, or here. However, the “promoter” of these designer plastic tubs doesn’t stop with the television commercial.
You will find an additional sales pitch at the promoter’s website. An alleged “Fashion Consultant” says:
’Tis the season for fashion, my friends. I recently made a routine trip to the store to purchase my favorite Cottonelle Clean Care* Toilet Paper, only to discover a new line of roll covers designed by none other than Jonathan Adler. So of course I got one right away, and now it’s the pièce de résistance in my home.
I’m not shocked that someone feels compelled to buy something because it was designed by an alleged famous designer; this has been going on for years. However, I am quite surprised when an alleged “Fashion Consultant” declares of a TP roll cover, “…now it’s the pièce de résistance in my home.” Quite frankly, I have some horrible visions of what her home might look like.
A toilet paper roll cover holds the paper that people wipe their butts with. If this roll cover catches your eye, it isn’t even drawing your attention to the sink, tub, or shower stall that are subconsciously associated with cleanliness; it draws your attention to where we dump our crap! It seems only reasonable to infer that the “Fashion Consultant’s” home is associated with a crapper in some manner, at least in her mind. She goes on to say:
I just can’t get enough of these new roll covers. They create such great ambiance and really set the tone for your home. They’re a must-have look of the season, and the best part is, they’ll never go out of style. It’s a win-win.
She can’t get enough of the roll covers? How many bathrooms does she have? One definition for ambiance is “the atmosphere of an environment.” Who wants the atmosphere around their crapper setting the tone for their whole home? The last two lines are so cliché that I want to gag her with a spoon! Of course, she couldn’t stop there:
Jonathan Adler is the epitome of fashion, and so are the new roll covers he designed. That’s the scoop. Now get yours today at RespectTheRoll.com and Respect the Roll that respects you in style.
It doesn’t surprise me that this is the first I have ever heard of Jonathan Adler, since I don’t even try to keep up with the epitomes of fashion. I am shocked that such an epitome has time to waste on TP roll covers! Even worse is that these roll covers look like oversized cereal bowls with covers that were painted with colorful designs for children. The final statement of “Respect the Roll that respects you in style” is quite ironic, too.
Further examination of this website reveals a town called “Where The Sun Don’t Shine” that was founded in 1996. Of course, we all know where the Sun doesn’t shine (don’t we?), but they needed to tell us that it was a place in a “perpetual state of dusk.” The value of the town’s newspaper, the Tribune, is revealed by its motto: “Absorbing News Since 1996,” or it is suggesting that all news is crap. This town also claims a population of 61,956, but this advertising campaign suggests that the promoter thinks many more people’s heads dwell “Where The Sun Don’t Shine!”
Obviously, this post has nothing to do with intelligent design!